I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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