theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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