Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
