Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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