Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
