Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
