Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
