I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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