You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
