It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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