I have demons in me.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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