Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
