How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
