Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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