I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
