WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
