he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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