goodnight i made you a song goodbye
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
