those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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