shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
