Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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