Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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