I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
