I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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