Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
