I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
