just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize