And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
