Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
