In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize