two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
