true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this boner is exhausting
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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