Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
