i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
