First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
