we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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