I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
