Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
