oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the high leading the old right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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