There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
