oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
