you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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