I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
