Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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