Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
