Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
