My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
