Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
