Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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