if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
