The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
