3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize