You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
