failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
