I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
