You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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