Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
