I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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