Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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