I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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