God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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