it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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