I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
