Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize