Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
