You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
