the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
