Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
