She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
