Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
