I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ttyl tear gas
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize